- Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the down.

- Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

- A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

- Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

- There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

- Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.

- Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

- If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

- Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

- Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse-kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

- When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

- Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

- A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

- Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

- If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

- Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

- If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win!

- Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

- Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.