- In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

- Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.

- Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

- Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi.

- Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

- Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

- The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris' nutsack.

- When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

- When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "Excuse me sir, but you can’t score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said:“I’m Chuck Norris!”, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

- Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.

- Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion, now Neo is "The Two".

- Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.

- China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

- When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

- Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

- Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.

- Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.